The Ambivalence of Being

“I’ve been enjoying your books. You raise valid points that I believe warrant a response from the teacher community. Given that these aren’t your average “softball” questions tossed up at retreats, I’ve been curious what your experience has been.  Seems to me that if a teacher isn’t interested or willing to look at this stuff that is a major red flag. Unless, of course, there is no one there to answer.”

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To be perfectly honest, I’ve grown quite tired of concerning myself with what “teachers” do or don’t do.

When I travelled to New York City in my twenties, I remember being approached by shady characters selling knockoff Rolex watches, Gucci wallets and all sorts of “luxury” items that were obviously stolen or fake.

The spiritual industry has always reminded me of a similar setup - thousands of smarmy characters trying to sell people the “real deal” while keeping a lookout for anyone who might expose them for the charlatans they are.

To answer your question, I haven’t had much of a response from the teacher community to my books. Not due to any lack of exposure (I know for a fact that these books are being read.) But because no one wants to ‘fess up to the fact that the whole industry is built upon smoke and mirrors. And if they were to acknowledge it - well, they’d be out of a job.

The entire premise of a spiritual teaching is flawed right from the get go. This idea that there is something that needs to be changed, improved, found, reached, achieved or accepted is completely misleading.

As well, the idea that “awakening” is the ultimate purpose of our lives is wrong. Some people awaken, most people don’t. No one has any control over any of it, nor does it matter. Awakened and unawakened alike, we all turn into maggot food in the end. Besides, the world doesn’t give a shit whether you awaken or not.

Being is unanimously the case whether or not you are conscious of it. Being is the case when you suffer. Being is the case when you feel liberated. Being is unperturbed by your allowance or resistance to life. Being is undeterred by whether you have bought into the story of ‘me’ or you are wise to the narrative.

Which is why nothing you do, or fail to do, truly matters in any significant sense. You could be the next Ramana Maharshi or you could be the next Kim Kardashian - being is ambivalent to both manifestations, showing no preference for one over the other. Or else we would live in a world flooded with Ramanas and devoid of Kims.

No, the only thing a spiritual teacher can sell you on is a made-up solution to a made-up problem. If they were truly awake, they would see that there is no real issue with existence. There is nothing to fix, nothing to correct - it all functions exactly the way it is meant to.

People get sick, people die, people suffer, people get anxious, people feel lost, people feel listless, people become consumed by meaninglessness. It’s all par for the course. Nothing unusual about any of it.

On the other hand, people also heal, people feel reborn, people feel liberated, people feel like they have found themselves, people feel driven and people feel like their lives are full of meaning and purpose. Again, none of this is unusual or worth writing home about. These are natural outcomes within the spectrum of human experiences.

Now, obviously those who find themselves suffering will crave liberation. Those who feel lost will wish to find their way. Those who feel fear will crave empowerment. Those who feel life is meaningless will hanker for meaning and purpose.

But just because we crave something doesn’t make it significant. If you have eaten something bitter and are craving something sweet, this doesn’t mean sweet foods are more significant than bitter foods. The same can be said of bitter and sweet experiences.

A spiritual teacher can’t sell the ambivalence of being to you. What they can sell you on is exactly what you are craving.

I wake up every morning realizing that nothing I do during the course of my day is of any real importance and yet I will move about my day as if everything is. Such is my brain and the way it operates. I take it with a grain of salt and don’t accept its interpretation as reality - I simply play along with it because it’s just how my brain thinks.  It attributes significance to a whole bunch of things that I know deep down aren’t all that significant.

Whether they be work deadlines, home routines, financial matters, politics, kids schedules, writing articles - my day is consumed with arbitrary tasks and goals that I have given meaning and significance too. Yet, I am always aware that tomorrow my reality could change drastically - I could get hit by a car or become terminally ill and all of this that consumes my attention today would scarcely be an afterthought.

Being aware of this may lessen my suffering by providing me that space of objectivity from which to view my own life and circumstance.  Yet, someone else who may not be as aware and lacks that objectivity is no lesser than me for it. My life is no more significant than theirs. I am not “more evolved” or “further up the spiritual ladder” than they are - simply because there is no such ladder.

Being is ambivalent to my awareness of it.

So, how can one possibly sell this ambivalence as a product or service offering? How can one sell a cure when the real answer to every disease or illness one is approached with is:

“There’s nothing wrong with you. No need to try and get better.”

You can’t.

In order to sell a cure, you have to first validate that the made-up disease exists. Then you can diagnose it and customize the appropriate made-up cure.

In spiritual terms, that disease is suffering. And awakening, enlightenment, liberation - call it what you will - are the cures.

But is there something within this universe, other than your own mind, that actually gives a fuck?

The moment you take that question deep enough into your own being - you are met with a staggering level of ambivalence that answers resoundingly,

“There is no one here who gives any fucks.”