Thousand Petaled Lotus

Why enlightenment is ordinary, failure is liberating and you have more in common with the Buddha than you realize

“As mentioned in my very first comment on your substack, your lucid writing resonated with amorphous hard-to-work-with ideas & opinions in me. Reading it was, is beautiful. If I may, where does one go to know your path-to-enlightenment? I am fairly new to substack and newer to you.

It is not often that one gets to exchange notes with an Enlightened one. I am tickled pink as I watch my ego having a ball at my expense. Thank you again for your time, patience and for so thoroughly indulging my request.”

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Then, let’s indulge you a bit further…

There was a time when being called an “enlightened one” would have inflated my ego into the stratosphere. There was nothing more in the world I wanted than to be recognized as such.

Then there was a period during which being called such a term would have felt like receiving a racial slur. I would have bristled at such a comment and written some scathing or satirical piece effectively tearing the questioner a new one. This sort of adverse reaction was no less egotistical - just one rooted in an attitude and identity of rebellion, rather than conformity, to the cultural ideal.

Today, however, as I read your comment, I feel no reaction within me. Not even a blip.

Two days ago, I was attempting to make a left turn at an all-way stop sign and I failed to notice the oncoming driver had arrived at his stop sign first. As I began to make my turn slowly, he came barreling through with his window down and yelled out the word “dumb fuck” while flipping the middle finger at me. I shrugged and continued turning.

‘Enlightened One’. ‘Dumb Fuck’. Which one am I?

To the world I am both and everything in between. I’ve been called a loser and a winner. A leader and a deadbeat. I’ve been called compassionate and heartless. Selfless and selfish. I’ve been called wise and stupid. I’ve been called industrious and lazy. I’ve been called inspirational and cynical.

I know I am capable of each and every one of these manifestations. But which of these manifestations are me?

I find I am no longer concerned with such questions. I know I will play my part in this lifetime. I know I will succeed in many of the endeavors I undertake. I know I will continue to fuck up numerous times. I know some people will feel better off for having known me. I know some will want nothing to do with me. I know I will have many moments of great contentment and joy. I know I will have many moments of confusion and sorrow.

I am no longer interested in trying to game the system - to get a ‘leg up’ on existence in any way. I do not care to change this dynamic or to improve my odds. I am good with the setup - with the dualistic nature of it.

I am not seeking to be ‘happier’, more ‘content’, more ‘peaceful’. I am also not seeking to avoid sadness, inner conflict and frustration.

When I say ‘I am good with the setup’ - I mean it. I realize there is no other way. This is how it is meant to be. This is how it was always meant to be. Life was never meant to be about becoming happy, becoming successful, becoming wise, becoming free or any such thing - although we are free to do any and all of it. Life is, and has only ever been, about experiencing what is. No matter what happens.

There is no hierarchy in any of this. Being happy is not ‘better’ than being sad. Being successful is not ‘better’ than being unsuccessful. Being kind is not ‘better’ than being cruel. From the human perspective, obviously the former feels better than the latter because we seek comfort and avoid suffering. But life makes no distinctions. It all exists on a level playing field. It is all acceptable.

And it is this fundamental quality of acceptance that I find is hardcoded into reality and validated by the existence of what is. For if it were not acceptable, how could it exist?

Therefore, I find that no matter what happens, life accepts me as I am. Whether I am batting a hundred or striking out, life accepts me as I am.

People may not accept me as I am. But that doesn’t bother me. Because I can see clearly that those who are unable to accept others struggle to accept themselves. And it is the version of me that lives within them that is the cause of their resistance. I need only walk among the trees or feel fresh, fat flakes of snow kiss my face to feel how deeply, profoundly and unconditionally my existence is accepted by the whole.

This evokes within me a feeling of profound gratitude. Of being loved in the deepest sense of the word. For I can think of no higher form of love than unconditional acceptance. And I reciprocate that love that life has for me, by loving it back - just as it is.

That is not to say that I do not suffer from moments of anxiety about my finances or frustration with my loved ones or confusion about the future. But I clearly see these as residual patterns in my mind - which may gradually clear over my lifetime or not at all. I don’t really mind either way. If, in my old age, I turn into a grumpy old man who yells at the kids on his street to stay off his lawn - I wouldn’t be disappointed. I have no desire to become like a Buddha. I have no desire to be like Vasudeva the Ferryman, or Siddhartha himself at the end of the book - like I once fantasized.

Because the one thing I can see as clearly as the light of day is that I have always only been myself.

How I interpreted that self has shifted and become more fluid over the years. I once translated it through the very narrow lens of a rigid self-identity. Now, I perceive this self as no more than a being that manifests as happenings. A happening of thoughts. A happening of emotions. A happening of personality. A happening of silence. A happening of joy. A happening of melancholy. Each state never sticks for long and transforms into another. Like a constantly turning kaleidoscope in which the designs perpetually change.

Yet, I am the eye that is peering into that kaleidoscope. And I have no desire to manipulate it or change how the kaleidoscope works. I cannot change how it works. It simply does what it does.

I have far from a perfect mind. I have far from a perfect personality. I’m a decent human being in general which I think is as good as one can hope to be. I have my flaws. I have my weaknesses. I have facets to myself that I would have been embarrassed or ashamed about once upon a time. Yet, spending time in nature has taught me that no other organism on our planet spends any time worrying about its imperfections. Because the imperfections are a necessary part of the setup.

We are designed to ultimately fail! At the end of the marathon, regardless of whether you make it across the line first or last, we all get to go home empty handed! Not even a medal for participation! That may sound bleak to you, but heck to me that is the most liberating realization a person can have!

It means there are no rules to this thing because there is no reward for it. You can run forwards, backwards, slowly or fast. You can fuck off and eat a sandwich. This isn’t a competitive sport. It’s play. And the wonderful thing about play, as opposed to sport, is that play has nothing to do with being ‘good’ at anything.

You can absolutely suck and still have a whale of a time. Or you can have all the skill in the world and be absolutely miserable. When there is no goal to orient to, the only thing left to orient to is what is happening now.

You’ve asked:

“If I may, where does one go to know your path-to-enlightenment? I am fairly new to substack and newer to you.”

I assume you are talking about the books and articles I have previously written. They are all on my website - I’ve written three books and nearly 1000 articles to date. You can go down that rabbit hole if you like. I won’t stop you.

Yet, the strange thing is that the only article I ever concern myself with is the one I am writing. The others could have been written by someone else for all I care. I feel no sense of affiliation or connection to them. The moment I write an article and hit the “publish” button, my love for it begins to slowly wither. In a day or two, it feels alien and lifeless to me.

So, I welcome you to read all my works if you like. You won’t find any ‘path to enlightenment’ there. There is only one path of enlightenment. You are on it. Everyone is on it. There is no way not to be. You have no choice.

The path of enlightenment is simply the path of what is happening. That’s it. Life as it unfolds IS the path. The ONLY path. Think about it. Have you ever been on any path other than the one you are always walking on right now?

And notice I call it the path of enlightenment rather than the path to enlightenment. Why? Because enlightenment is neverending. In every new moment something new, that was not revealed a moment earlier, is revealed. Today it is Jan 6, 2025. Yesterday, it was Jan 5, 2025 and no one on this planet knew what Jan 6 would look like. Now we do. We are all, as a collective, more enlightened today.

That’s all enlightenment is. A never-ending revelation of reality. What is revealed to you in this moment may be different than what is revealed to me. And so, our paths of enlightenment will look different. But just like my body cannot be your body and my mind cannot be your mind, my path cannot be your path.

And yet, we are all on it.

We are all travelers in the darkness holding lanterns that have the power to illuminate precisely a single step on the journey. The one we are currently taking. And many tremble in fear of the darkness that looms ahead imagining what rewards or suffering lie ahead.

And so, they fantasize that it is possible to enhance the light of our lanterns. To make it so powerful that we can see behind, in front and around us at all times. To arrive at such a place where the darkness of our ignorance is dispelled for good, and all becomes light and love and clear to see. We believe this is enlightenment. And we imagine the spiritual greats such as the Buddha, Ramana, Jesus and Lao Tsu achieved this kind of enlightenment.

But these are just stories.

For, the truth is that the lanterns that these so called ‘enlightened masters’ held were no more powerful than our own. The Buddha could see not one single step further than the rest of us. Lao Tzu did not live in any less darkness than you or I.

The real difference was that these individuals were not focused on the darkness but instead marveled at the miracle of the little light each wielded. For even the power to illuminate a single step is a power beyond all imagination.

To simply be conscious is an unfathomable gift. It was not the power of their light that they were concerned with but its very existence.

And they knew that they did not need their lanterns to dispel all the darkness of existence. All that was required was to illuminate this single step - of the here and now. And by illuminating one step at a time, a thousand-mile journey is illuminated.

Do you see now what ‘enlightenment’ means?

Do you see that we are all enlightened?

In this moment - you can see what is front of you.

THAT is enlightenment.

In this moment you are aware of existence.

THAT is enlightenment!

Everything else the mind conjures is just a superimposition upon the darkness that surrounds us. They are images parading as the “reality of what is”. But they are mirages. The only reality is the one already being illuminated by the lantern of your consciousness, without you even trying!

This step. This moment. This now.

Your path. My path. Buddha’s path. Ramana’s path. All have the same thing in common.

They all unfurl in the now. They are all illuminated exactly one step at a time. They all reveal what is, one moment at a time.

Like a flower blooming - this life unfurls one petal at a time.

Is there anything more beautiful?

And yet, that flower will inevitably wither and die.

Is there anything more painful?

And all that beauty and pain is experienced one step at a time - now, now, now…

Is there anything more miraculous?

To be.

To be aware of being.

That is the whole of it. There is nothing more to recognize. There is nothing more to discover.

I am.

Awareness.

All forms of knowledge are just the gradual unfurling of that single flower. The unraveling of this single reality one moment at a time.

Savor it. Enjoy it. Marvel at it.

There is nowhere to get to or arrive. We are, and have always been, completely whole.

It is this wholeness that I see reflected everywhere I look. And I marvel that there was ever a time when I couldn’t see it. Yet, I realize in hindsight that I always did, but that wholeness never felt enough. There was this desire within me for it to be more. And so I sold myself on the story of incompletion in order to motivate myself towards that fantasy of “more”.

It is all acceptable now. Because it is what is.

It is said that when the Buddha gave his silent flower sermon, he held up a single lotus. Only Mahakashyapa understood the sermon and smiled.

The secret to that sermon has nothing to do with the lotus. Rather that the lotus represented the suchness of the moment. The very quality of being that is the singular and true identity of self and totality.

That suchness is the whole of it. And it is always evident in this moment. In this single step we are taking. Illuminated by the light of our awareness.

The great liberation the sages spoke of has nothing to do with transcending reality. But in the realization that reality transcends us! It happens without effort. It unfolds without our permission. We are not driving it. We are simply along for the ride.

And after a while we come to see that we are the ride.

Self, other, mind, world are all different faces of the same single happening.

A thousand-petaled lotus unraveling one petal at a time.

Moment after moment after moment…