In the last few days, since posting my last article, I’ve received dozens of private messages from my readers. Most have expressed gratitude for my willingness to express what has happened to me with such openness. Some have expressed concern that this may be a manic episode or some kind of psychosis and have urged me to get help. A few have accused me of being delusional or intentionally fraudulent. Every message, regardless of its content, has evoked nothing but love and appreciation within me. I feel grateful for all these responses, even the negative ones.
I am writing this now to let all my readers know that I will be taking an indefinite pause from writing on this page. I don’t have very much to say at the moment. I feel a deep urge to explore and savor this wide-open space of awareness that has become my living reality now. Everything in my world is alive and brimming with awareness and I just want to play! I have been enjoying hanging out and loving my kids, helping my wife with laundry, chopping vegetables, cleaning. Even the mundane tasks are more meaningful than the greatest philosophies. I think my cat and my dog sense this shift because they are constantly coming to me to give me love and affection and receive it from me. And I find I’m able to connect with them both in a way I never was able to with animals before.
For paying subscribers on my substack, I will be indefinitely pausing your payments until I feel the movement to begin writing again. You should no longer see a monthly charge on your accounts moving forward. If you decide that you do not want to pause payments and would like to continue supporting me as a form of donation, please send me a private message letting me know. Otherwise, I will just default to pausing your subscription. But I do want to say, each of your financial contributions has carried me through some very dark times. It has lightened the burden and made it more possible to bear. For that you have my deepest gratitude.
If and when I do return to writing, it will likely no longer be as ‘Advaitaholics Anonymous’. That is an old skin that this snake has shed. In the meantime, I’m looking forward to doing a couple of podcasts with some fascinating guests who have connected with me. So, even though you may not see written content for a while, I’m not planning on dropping off the face of the earth any time soon! I will still make myself available to respond to any email queries you would like to send me. I ask that you be patient with response times as I am spending less time on my phone and computer these days.
As trite as the following statement may sound, I love you all. You have each, in your own way, been an inextricable part of my life, my journey and my awakening. You have each been an invaluable teacher for me. You have supported me intellectually, emotionally, spiritually and even financially. Words cannot describe the depth of gratitude I feel for you.
The old skin has been shed, the old name that bore its reference to addiction is gone. I am glad for you, Shiv. It always was the sheer aliveness of you in your texts that attracted me most. This, I feel certain, will stay with you. And may find its expression in new ways. Thank you for your expression of it insofar. You are a well of inspiration to me.
I love you also, Shiv, and hope you will write some more in the future because what you have shared has been so special. In the meantime enjoy each and every moment.