I would suggest that the "art" of suffering has much to do with becoming comfortable with the grieving process. Suffering doesn't simply stand alone but is entangled with a series of stages of being. Suffering is something one can manage or perfect, but an acceptance of deep process of transformation.
"Whereas when we approach pain and suffering unflinchingly, openly, with curiosity and a true desire to permit it into our lives - saying, “You too are worthy of having a place in my world” - then suffering transmutes into something else entirely.
It is still suffering, it is still painful, yet it also becomes much much more than that. It becomes a path of evolution, a vehicle for exploring our own depths, a lens through which we develop compassion for others, a mirror in which our own delusions are systematically revealed to us and a springboard that allows us to make quantum leaps of consciousness." This "path" mirrors the concepts of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in her famous stages of grief - denial, bargaining, anger, surrender, and acceptance.
Yes, her "stages" are theoretical and non-linear, but they are helpful in providing a road map of the energy pathways when one is confronted with a loss either literally or figuratively. The first reaction generally involves the first three stages - denial, bargaining, anger. These are all 'Yang' stances of aggression (active or passive) and assertiveness. We plant our feet and activate our ego defenses in an attempt to cheat fate. Living in our modern hyper-Yang culture we get a lot of support for being assertive and staying stuck in a futile loop of suffering without relief.
But eventually, our Yang fuel tank runs dry and we resign ourselves to surrendering to the moment and an energy shift occurs from aggression to humility. Our ego gave it our best shot and lost. To paraphrase Leonard Cohen: "Everything has to crack, that's how the light gets in."
It is in this state of egoless grace that the miracle of death and rebirth occurs. It is dark and mysterious like a pregnancy - an embrace of powerful Yin energies of transmutation. After a period of gestation, we begin to feel the stirrings of what we are becoming and we open to the compassionate embrace of our new selves.
Suffering is just the beginning of a process of deep shifts both energetically and spiritually. If we can learn to embrace this powerful Yin aspect of ourselves, we can find a path to more compassion, understanding, and resilience. Thank you Shiv for your story and insights.
What synchronicity is this? As I began to read your work, my sister calls to discuss one of her close friends that engages in such “agent of pain” behaviour. I chatted with her for at least 30 minutes, explaining how her friend projects emotional negativity to her loved ones, expecting them to share in her misery of suffering. I returned to finish consuming your essay, which seemed to emphasise the theme of my conversation with my sister. To have those moments of opportunity in being empathetic in understanding human behaviour is a characteristic I seek to embrace with every rising of the sun. Good writing in your message.
"how does one see, think, feel and act in a manner that does not create more suffering in this world?"
"To become an 'agent of pain' or an 'agent of peace' - this is the choice put to us in any given moment of any given day."
"Agents of peace are those who have learned to make peace with their own suffering. They have learned to make peace with the suffering of those they love. They have learned to make peace with the suffering in the world."
I would suggest that the "art" of suffering has much to do with becoming comfortable with the grieving process. Suffering doesn't simply stand alone but is entangled with a series of stages of being. Suffering is something one can manage or perfect, but an acceptance of deep process of transformation.
"Whereas when we approach pain and suffering unflinchingly, openly, with curiosity and a true desire to permit it into our lives - saying, “You too are worthy of having a place in my world” - then suffering transmutes into something else entirely.
It is still suffering, it is still painful, yet it also becomes much much more than that. It becomes a path of evolution, a vehicle for exploring our own depths, a lens through which we develop compassion for others, a mirror in which our own delusions are systematically revealed to us and a springboard that allows us to make quantum leaps of consciousness." This "path" mirrors the concepts of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in her famous stages of grief - denial, bargaining, anger, surrender, and acceptance.
Yes, her "stages" are theoretical and non-linear, but they are helpful in providing a road map of the energy pathways when one is confronted with a loss either literally or figuratively. The first reaction generally involves the first three stages - denial, bargaining, anger. These are all 'Yang' stances of aggression (active or passive) and assertiveness. We plant our feet and activate our ego defenses in an attempt to cheat fate. Living in our modern hyper-Yang culture we get a lot of support for being assertive and staying stuck in a futile loop of suffering without relief.
But eventually, our Yang fuel tank runs dry and we resign ourselves to surrendering to the moment and an energy shift occurs from aggression to humility. Our ego gave it our best shot and lost. To paraphrase Leonard Cohen: "Everything has to crack, that's how the light gets in."
It is in this state of egoless grace that the miracle of death and rebirth occurs. It is dark and mysterious like a pregnancy - an embrace of powerful Yin energies of transmutation. After a period of gestation, we begin to feel the stirrings of what we are becoming and we open to the compassionate embrace of our new selves.
Suffering is just the beginning of a process of deep shifts both energetically and spiritually. If we can learn to embrace this powerful Yin aspect of ourselves, we can find a path to more compassion, understanding, and resilience. Thank you Shiv for your story and insights.
Well said, John. Thanks for the comment.
Beautiful
What synchronicity is this? As I began to read your work, my sister calls to discuss one of her close friends that engages in such “agent of pain” behaviour. I chatted with her for at least 30 minutes, explaining how her friend projects emotional negativity to her loved ones, expecting them to share in her misery of suffering. I returned to finish consuming your essay, which seemed to emphasise the theme of my conversation with my sister. To have those moments of opportunity in being empathetic in understanding human behaviour is a characteristic I seek to embrace with every rising of the sun. Good writing in your message.
That is a great article, Shiv, it touches me deeply. Lots of love to you. ❤
And to you Magdalena ❤️
Excellent Shiv.
Thanks John
Thank you both
💙✔️
dear shiv,
beautiful piece! some lines that really resonate:
"how does one see, think, feel and act in a manner that does not create more suffering in this world?"
"To become an 'agent of pain' or an 'agent of peace' - this is the choice put to us in any given moment of any given day."
"Agents of peace are those who have learned to make peace with their own suffering. They have learned to make peace with the suffering of those they love. They have learned to make peace with the suffering in the world."
thank you for sharing!
love
myq
Thanks Myq 🙏
So beautiful. Such a clarity, so insightful. I couldn’t agree more.
Many thanks 💚