Beautiful piece, Shiv. I resonate very much. I see clearly that everything goes together, the light and the dark, in an unfathomable way. My own past as a raging and often violent drunk seems as perfect to me now as the sober Joan who emerged from it.
I wouldn't exactly agree that self-awareness is easy. In my experience, we are often totally unaware of many of our habitual patterns. We don't see them until we do. And in my experience, psychotherapy, meditation, and somatic work all seemed very helpful in revealing and undoing them. Did "I" do any of this? I can't say yes or no. This bodymind person did do all these things, but the urge and the ability to do them came from I know not where.
I also wouldn't say we don't evolve. In my experience, the universe, biological life, and human life and consciousness does seem to evolve. It seems to me there is a natural desire to heal, to fix what is broken, to undo patterns that bring forth suffering. No? As I see it, the trick is, we can't "do" any of this through goal-oriented force, but more through the not-doing and acceptance of what is that you describe so beautifully in this piece. And we never reach a place of final perfection where everything is neatly resolved.
To take one example from my own life now, I would very much like to be able to talk to people I disagree with in an open way without getting triggered and becoming defensive, angry, tight, offensive, etc. And I often fail. Am I able to be open in this way at will? No. But the aspiration is there, and at the same time, there is an acceptance of how I am, which is sometimes angry and defensive, and a recognition of this as impersonal weather that is in some sense as perfect as it is and inseparable from the whole, just like my drunken past.
Anyway, it's a great article. Paradoxically, helpful to all of us. 😎🙏❤️
Thanks for sharing that, Joan ❤️. I’m glad the piece resonated with you. I particularly identified with the bit you wrote about feeling triggered when discussing hot button topics with people holding differing views. I have the same challenge.
When I say “we do not evolve” I mean to say we are not doing the evolving. Evolution is baked into the framework of reality. The injury, the trauma, the addiction, the healing, the growth and sobriety - it happens for certain. But the how, why, who and in what way these things occur are quite mysterious. The dots are all there but we tend to join them in a way that “makes sense” to us - giving us a sense of relevance, control, progress and agency. But in reality we are privy to very little of what truly contributes to things being the way they are (which of course includes us being the way we are!)
More importantly all our notions of healing, evolution and improvement are relative to our own limited understanding. We do not truly KNOW what evolution entails or what healing means. We can only frame these within the contexts of our own outlooks, values, beliefs and conditioning.
I’ll quote what Adya wrote to me many years ago that I shared in a previous article. These words make more sense to me which each day that passes:
“Bare your heart open to being held captive by illusion. You are caught, endlessly caught. And you are fighting (and a clever fighter you are) against your own mind, against the illusion of being trapped in this endless game. You are trying to win the game but your trying to win is the game, as is your trying to let go.
Give your full consent to your circumstance. Resist not, grasp not, move not. Do not be frightened by hell or tempted by Heaven. Only then are you no longer susceptible to either demons or Gods.”
I just found your reply. And I completely resonate with everything you say here. And as I read Adya's comment again now, in the context of this article, it resonates and makes greater sense to me. This article and your response to my comment touches me very deeply. ❤️🙏
I love this article. Thank you. It reminds me of a Sydney Banks quote; ‘if the only thing people learned was not to be afraid of their experience, that alone would change the world.’ Sitting with, even noticing, so-called fear, grief, shame etc continues to feel unfamiliar and uncomfortable but these experiences that once were called ‘weakness’ are gradually feeling easier in my bodymind tg.
IT is so fun to observe and experience this freedom (for lack of a better word). Seeing what this is opens the fist, although it doesn't appear, as you say, to alter the chaos/order experience, and yet, life is constantly altering itself with every new experience, a perpetually changing, wildly alive blueprint. Life is. When I don't mind what happens, stuff still happens. Yay, how wonderful! Oh, that sucks! Looking for something better was the sense of inadequacy all along.
thank you for sharing as always! some lines that leapt out to me:
"When I have a good day, it is more a matter of serendipity than of strategy. And if I have a good week, month, year - then that is an act of grace not gumption."
"Self-awareness is easy. Self-awareness without succumbing to the need to manage, modify, improve or control the self that one is aware of - is the hard part."
"...it is already a whole and complete picture. The jigsaw is already finished. We are not required to lift a finger to move or correct a single piece of it."
"Even in my joy, I am whole. Even in my suffering, I am complete."
Started reading Richard Schwartz’s “No Bad Parts.” I imagine I’ll finish the book, but when he trotted out the capital-S “Self,” I was like… uh oh.
Translating it—because I’m that annoying reader—I take him to mean presence or awake-awareness or some other term to imply the unbiased observer. Because “self”? Just drops this reader back into a driver’s seat that’s surely not there.
That's a good book! I personally take Schwartz to mean something similar to what Shiv is pointing to. Seeing from the perspective of the ecosystem for angels and demons that isn't demanding we destroy the demons. Seeing them as valuable in their own way and finding acceptance and understanding. And, critically, recognizing many of them as purposeful agents that can be worked with. Changing our stance then enables change to take place, if needed. So most of the driving involves simply seeing painful elements from that infinitely accepting perspective that is, I think, Schwartz's notion of "Self."
That said, IFS is focused on hurt parts of the psyche and actively working on them, which seems to be what Shiv is NOT advocating. And there's ideas like asking those parts what roles they'd rather take. Which could be too "directed." You're selecting elements you deem necessary to work on, which could be a problem because our perspective is always limited. But it is therapy so it can't help but have a bias towards actively resolving mental issues.
Beautiful piece, Shiv. I resonate very much. I see clearly that everything goes together, the light and the dark, in an unfathomable way. My own past as a raging and often violent drunk seems as perfect to me now as the sober Joan who emerged from it.
I wouldn't exactly agree that self-awareness is easy. In my experience, we are often totally unaware of many of our habitual patterns. We don't see them until we do. And in my experience, psychotherapy, meditation, and somatic work all seemed very helpful in revealing and undoing them. Did "I" do any of this? I can't say yes or no. This bodymind person did do all these things, but the urge and the ability to do them came from I know not where.
I also wouldn't say we don't evolve. In my experience, the universe, biological life, and human life and consciousness does seem to evolve. It seems to me there is a natural desire to heal, to fix what is broken, to undo patterns that bring forth suffering. No? As I see it, the trick is, we can't "do" any of this through goal-oriented force, but more through the not-doing and acceptance of what is that you describe so beautifully in this piece. And we never reach a place of final perfection where everything is neatly resolved.
To take one example from my own life now, I would very much like to be able to talk to people I disagree with in an open way without getting triggered and becoming defensive, angry, tight, offensive, etc. And I often fail. Am I able to be open in this way at will? No. But the aspiration is there, and at the same time, there is an acceptance of how I am, which is sometimes angry and defensive, and a recognition of this as impersonal weather that is in some sense as perfect as it is and inseparable from the whole, just like my drunken past.
Anyway, it's a great article. Paradoxically, helpful to all of us. 😎🙏❤️
Thanks for sharing that, Joan ❤️. I’m glad the piece resonated with you. I particularly identified with the bit you wrote about feeling triggered when discussing hot button topics with people holding differing views. I have the same challenge.
When I say “we do not evolve” I mean to say we are not doing the evolving. Evolution is baked into the framework of reality. The injury, the trauma, the addiction, the healing, the growth and sobriety - it happens for certain. But the how, why, who and in what way these things occur are quite mysterious. The dots are all there but we tend to join them in a way that “makes sense” to us - giving us a sense of relevance, control, progress and agency. But in reality we are privy to very little of what truly contributes to things being the way they are (which of course includes us being the way we are!)
More importantly all our notions of healing, evolution and improvement are relative to our own limited understanding. We do not truly KNOW what evolution entails or what healing means. We can only frame these within the contexts of our own outlooks, values, beliefs and conditioning.
I’ll quote what Adya wrote to me many years ago that I shared in a previous article. These words make more sense to me which each day that passes:
“Bare your heart open to being held captive by illusion. You are caught, endlessly caught. And you are fighting (and a clever fighter you are) against your own mind, against the illusion of being trapped in this endless game. You are trying to win the game but your trying to win is the game, as is your trying to let go.
Give your full consent to your circumstance. Resist not, grasp not, move not. Do not be frightened by hell or tempted by Heaven. Only then are you no longer susceptible to either demons or Gods.”
I just found your reply. And I completely resonate with everything you say here. And as I read Adya's comment again now, in the context of this article, it resonates and makes greater sense to me. This article and your response to my comment touches me very deeply. ❤️🙏
I love this article. Thank you. It reminds me of a Sydney Banks quote; ‘if the only thing people learned was not to be afraid of their experience, that alone would change the world.’ Sitting with, even noticing, so-called fear, grief, shame etc continues to feel unfamiliar and uncomfortable but these experiences that once were called ‘weakness’ are gradually feeling easier in my bodymind tg.
IT is so fun to observe and experience this freedom (for lack of a better word). Seeing what this is opens the fist, although it doesn't appear, as you say, to alter the chaos/order experience, and yet, life is constantly altering itself with every new experience, a perpetually changing, wildly alive blueprint. Life is. When I don't mind what happens, stuff still happens. Yay, how wonderful! Oh, that sucks! Looking for something better was the sense of inadequacy all along.
dear shiv,
thank you for sharing as always! some lines that leapt out to me:
"When I have a good day, it is more a matter of serendipity than of strategy. And if I have a good week, month, year - then that is an act of grace not gumption."
"Self-awareness is easy. Self-awareness without succumbing to the need to manage, modify, improve or control the self that one is aware of - is the hard part."
"...it is already a whole and complete picture. The jigsaw is already finished. We are not required to lift a finger to move or correct a single piece of it."
"Even in my joy, I am whole. Even in my suffering, I am complete."
thank you!
much love
myq
You are welcome, Myq. I appreciate how you always highlight the parts of the work that resonate with you
Started reading Richard Schwartz’s “No Bad Parts.” I imagine I’ll finish the book, but when he trotted out the capital-S “Self,” I was like… uh oh.
Translating it—because I’m that annoying reader—I take him to mean presence or awake-awareness or some other term to imply the unbiased observer. Because “self”? Just drops this reader back into a driver’s seat that’s surely not there.
That's a good book! I personally take Schwartz to mean something similar to what Shiv is pointing to. Seeing from the perspective of the ecosystem for angels and demons that isn't demanding we destroy the demons. Seeing them as valuable in their own way and finding acceptance and understanding. And, critically, recognizing many of them as purposeful agents that can be worked with. Changing our stance then enables change to take place, if needed. So most of the driving involves simply seeing painful elements from that infinitely accepting perspective that is, I think, Schwartz's notion of "Self."
That said, IFS is focused on hurt parts of the psyche and actively working on them, which seems to be what Shiv is NOT advocating. And there's ideas like asking those parts what roles they'd rather take. Which could be too "directed." You're selecting elements you deem necessary to work on, which could be a problem because our perspective is always limited. But it is therapy so it can't help but have a bias towards actively resolving mental issues.
Yes, you may be right.
Beautiful text that resonates here! Thanks for sharing. Lots of love for you and yours, Magdalena
As per usual Shiv saves my life
Evolution is baked into the framework of reality...wow it summed up every thing for me here
👌
Thank you Shiv for expressing so beautifully and clearly something latent and difuse inside me.