It’s amazing how much suffering I generated in my life by believing that things should be different, not to mention the stress of having to be the manager of myself. So true!
Ahhhh…reading this felt like the relief of a long held excretory function. And undoubtedly, I’ll fill up to the point of discomfort again. And then the inevitable release again. And the whole process again and again like the last thousand times. Until the absolute final and great urination. Happy peeing!
I'm 76 and grew up when the capacity to endure was the only skill we could cultivate to survive sometimes very difficult circumstances. Thank you for this brilliant article.
"Its freeing..." It is amazing how much of our life energy is devoted to avoiding feeling the full aspect of being alive. Energy channeled into control and avoidance means there is less energy to actively experience being fully alive.
I remember during my personal psychotherapy of experiencing a breakthrough and acknowledgment (embodiment) of my unconscious control issues. As I allowed the reality of the futility of my frantic striving for control to settle deeply, I experienced a deep sense of exhaustion. A relief, something like; "Now I can rest..." washed over me and for a moment I felt okay with simply "being" without agenda or shame.
Yes, being in the moment is not passive. I still have to gird my loins to battle the assholes in the world, but I pick my battles and have more energy to direct towards immediate challenges and threats.
In martial arts, I have been told, all movements begin from a "neutral stance" of harmony and emptiness. From there one moves naturally to counter a threat and then return to recharge the batteries in the neutral stance." There is a natural cycle of 'extending' and 'returning' that must be honored and respected. The alternative is anxiety burnout and/or depression.
As adults with adult responsibilities we must learn to practice self care and self love. Sadly, most of us are not taught those skills and instead feel shame at needing to naturally disengage and recharge. There is no shame in being mortal. Yes, at times it is truly a battle, but we can become black belt martial artists confident of our skills in fighting for that which we love.
Love it, shiv. I think what trips me up is this super compulsory tendency that my mind has to overfixate and blow what hurts (and what is nice) out of proportion…something I’ve had to deal with for years.
this is a meaningful perspective: "One of the biggest downfalls of the self-help culture is that it has robbed us of the ability to simply resign ourselves to our fates. With its promises of empowerment, it has handicapped us. We are so convinced that we have the ability to change that we no longer have the capacity to endure."
(how can we change this, so that it does not endure?)
this is very resonant and helpful to remember:
"We tend to think in absolutes - so, if we’ve had a shitty hour, we might say we’ve had a shitty day. If we’ve had a shitty month, we might say we’ve had a shitty year. And if we’ve had a string of unfortunate events occur in our lives, we may just round up for good measure by saying that our 'life sucks'."
(rounding up for good measure? or rounding down for bad measure?)
this is funny:
"If I had to sum up the human experience in five words, it would be:
I so relate to your growing up in India experience I feel you totally. Thankfully things have changed now atleast the school my son goes too is experiential learning back then we dint have any such options neither was this awareness..
Well the other day I was taking to my friend and joking we said ada dimag kharab motivational speakers ne kiya hua hai ...this whole arena of self help is a big sham
It’s amazing how much suffering I generated in my life by believing that things should be different, not to mention the stress of having to be the manager of myself. So true!
Ahhhh…reading this felt like the relief of a long held excretory function. And undoubtedly, I’ll fill up to the point of discomfort again. And then the inevitable release again. And the whole process again and again like the last thousand times. Until the absolute final and great urination. Happy peeing!
Thank you, deeply. You are a fresh new perspective in this crowded space. Enjoying wading through your work.
Wishing you and family a joyful holiday season.
Thank you ❤
Brilliant
👌
I'm 76 and grew up when the capacity to endure was the only skill we could cultivate to survive sometimes very difficult circumstances. Thank you for this brilliant article.
So simple.
"Its freeing..." It is amazing how much of our life energy is devoted to avoiding feeling the full aspect of being alive. Energy channeled into control and avoidance means there is less energy to actively experience being fully alive.
I remember during my personal psychotherapy of experiencing a breakthrough and acknowledgment (embodiment) of my unconscious control issues. As I allowed the reality of the futility of my frantic striving for control to settle deeply, I experienced a deep sense of exhaustion. A relief, something like; "Now I can rest..." washed over me and for a moment I felt okay with simply "being" without agenda or shame.
Yes, being in the moment is not passive. I still have to gird my loins to battle the assholes in the world, but I pick my battles and have more energy to direct towards immediate challenges and threats.
In martial arts, I have been told, all movements begin from a "neutral stance" of harmony and emptiness. From there one moves naturally to counter a threat and then return to recharge the batteries in the neutral stance." There is a natural cycle of 'extending' and 'returning' that must be honored and respected. The alternative is anxiety burnout and/or depression.
As adults with adult responsibilities we must learn to practice self care and self love. Sadly, most of us are not taught those skills and instead feel shame at needing to naturally disengage and recharge. There is no shame in being mortal. Yes, at times it is truly a battle, but we can become black belt martial artists confident of our skills in fighting for that which we love.
Love it, shiv. I think what trips me up is this super compulsory tendency that my mind has to overfixate and blow what hurts (and what is nice) out of proportion…something I’ve had to deal with for years.
I understand. Some minds prefer soap operas to documentaries. It’s all par for the course and nothing out of the ordinary ;)
The world needs their drama queens! 😜
dear shiv,
thank you as always for these thoughtful pieces.
this is a meaningful perspective: "One of the biggest downfalls of the self-help culture is that it has robbed us of the ability to simply resign ourselves to our fates. With its promises of empowerment, it has handicapped us. We are so convinced that we have the ability to change that we no longer have the capacity to endure."
(how can we change this, so that it does not endure?)
this is very resonant and helpful to remember:
"We tend to think in absolutes - so, if we’ve had a shitty hour, we might say we’ve had a shitty day. If we’ve had a shitty month, we might say we’ve had a shitty year. And if we’ve had a string of unfortunate events occur in our lives, we may just round up for good measure by saying that our 'life sucks'."
(rounding up for good measure? or rounding down for bad measure?)
this is funny:
"If I had to sum up the human experience in five words, it would be:
Have fun, feel shit, die."
(what if you had to do it in eleven words?)
thank you for sharing as always!
love
myq
I so relate to your growing up in India experience I feel you totally. Thankfully things have changed now atleast the school my son goes too is experiential learning back then we dint have any such options neither was this awareness..
Well the other day I was taking to my friend and joking we said ada dimag kharab motivational speakers ne kiya hua hai ...this whole arena of self help is a big sham